a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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