i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
