Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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