There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
