awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm getting married
To pizza
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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