and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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