Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
