So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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