i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
