This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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