how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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