I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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