everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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