normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
True strength comes from lack of pants
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
