how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Text me some of your sweat
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
