Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
you had me at cake vodka
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
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