The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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