i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
