They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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