Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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