I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i think i just lost a toe
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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