I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
