So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
