You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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