rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
