I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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