me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
