God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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