I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
her vagine was all disorganized.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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