I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
