Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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