Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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