This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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