woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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