just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
