I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
