stop calling my apartment porn island.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
