Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
