Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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