Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You're like the curious george of whores
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
