Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
