He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
