i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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