Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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