Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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