theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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