There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
