Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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