It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
