I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
