We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
